A Second Chance Summer Read online

  My words come to a halt, as do my steps, because there, at the edge of the crowd of the third party is Sam. My Sam. He is ten years older, he is slightly broader, and his hair a little shorter, but I’d recognise him anywhere.

  Chapter Three

  “Quick!” I grab Julie, and pull her away.

  “What are you doing?” she asks. “I thought you were going to say that party was just right.”

  “It’s Sam!” I hiss, daring a quick glance in his direction to check if he’s noticed me, but he is deep in conversation with one of his mates.

  “Sam? Your Sam?” Julie asks.

  Ridiculous to call him this, I know, when I was only with him for three months at the most, and that was ten years ago. But both Julie and I know that, so far, Sam has been the love of my life. Geoff knew it, too. He found out somehow and I don’t think it helped in terms of his feeling insecure, and becoming increasingly possessive – but I know that was his nature and that if hadn’t been Sam, it would have been something else that triggered it. I tried to convince Geoff that it was over with Sam; just a summer romance, a teenage fling, but he wouldn’t believe me.

  And he was right not to. When I look back, I may have thought about Sam if not every day then every week, for these last ten years. And I worry that makes me a bit mad. But isn’t love meant to be a kind of madness?

  Still, I am shocked at my reaction to seeing him now. I really feel like I’m eighteen again. I should be acting much more mature than this. But I can’t. I don’t know what to do or where to put myself so I drag Julie away and we move on to the next party, which really isn’t the right one for us and also ruins the Goldilocks simile. As far as I recall, there were no heavy metallers in that story. But here they are, dressed in full leather jackets on the beach, on one of the hottest evenings of the year. Playing thrash metal from an old-school stereo. The only hope is that the sand will get into it and put a stop to the noise.

  Still, they are nice enough, and friendly, despite looking quite surprised to see us joining them. A thin girl with bleached blonde hair and a ring through her lip is looking at us suspiciously but I give her my best smile as I wait for my thumping heart to calm down and she just shrugs.

  I sit on the sand and Julie, having little choice, joins me. She reaches into her bag for her drink. I can’t believe she’s brought her gin & tonic in a National Trust flask. It’s not going to help us fit in round here.

  “Mum gave it to me!” she exclaims defensively. “Anyway, just wait and see how nice and chilled my drink is, compared to yours.”

  I take a slug of it. She’s right. And I’m pretty sure I detect a hint of lemon, too. “You could have put a Metallica sticker over the oak leaves.”

  “I’ll just say it’s ironic,” Julie says as she pulls two plastic wine glasses from her bag.

  “Oh my… I think you’re looking for the first party,” I say.

  “Ah, shuddup. I didn’t co-habit for three years without picking up some middle-aged tendencies,” she says, splashing drink into both cups. We clash them together then put them to our lips. As the gin does its job, even the metal seems mellower, somehow. We remain on the outskirts of the group, watching as the sun gradually disappears from view over the headland. I cast occasional glances to the next party along, trying to see Sam again. As the night gets darker, the figures become even harder to tell apart, and silhouettes merge with the shadows which the flames throw out. I am torn between going over; finding him and just saying hello - like what happened between us was no big deal, and like I don’t still dream of him from time to time – and staying here, with my new heavy metal friends, pretending I’d never seen him.

  Julie makes the decision for me, though. Three drinks in, my words are slurring slightly, and so is my vision.

  “The flames look soft, don’t they?” I say to Julie.

  “What are you wittering about, woman?” she asks. She tips her flask upside down to check it’s empty, running her finger round the rim and sucking it to get the last few drops. “Right, I’m afraid I can’t stay here any longer. That guy over there – don’t look, the big one, with the tattoos and the Popeye forearms - keeps looking at us, and I think he’s got designs on you, or me, or both of us. I also need to hear some proper music. Now.”

  With that, she drags me to my feet and, despite my protests, I find myself being propelled back towards the next party along. The one with Sam.

  “Oh, I don’t know, I’m not ready…”

  “Don’t be such a wimp!” she says. “This is just a bloke you had a knock around with when you were eighteen. You’ve built him up into this idea in your mind, put him on a pedestal. You need to see him, otherwise you’ll never move on. He could be a total tosser by now.”

  “Yeah, you’re right!” I say. “OK. OK. I can do this. Stop, though.”

  I get my bottle of drink out of my bag. I take a swig. It’s warm. I pass it to Julie. “Told you the flask’s much better,” she says, wiping her mouth on the back of her arm. Nevertheless, she takes another big swig.

  I start to tiptoe exaggeratedly towards the party.

  “I’m not sure that tiptoeing really works on sand, you know,” I hear an amused voice just to my left. A voice I’d know anywhere. I turn. I try to look cool.

  “Sam!” I say. “What are you doing…” I squeal as my foot finds no ground beneath it and I fall inelegantly into a hole some kid must have dug earlier in the day.

  Shit. Maybe if I stay here he won’t realise it’s me.

  “Hi, Sam,” I hear Julie say. Damn her. She and Sam both reach down to help me up. He is laughing and I am trying to push the hair out of my eyes, the sand off my clothes.

  “Julie?” He is saying. “No way! And Alice… oh my god, I can’t believe it’s you. Although the way you fell into that hole just then, I should have known straightaway.”

  He’s laughing at me, and now I’m laughing as well. My clumsiness has broken the ice. “Oh my god,” he says again. “Are you two here for long?”

  “The summer,” I say.

  “No way!”

  “You’ve said that already,” I answer more sharply than I mean to.

  “I guess I probably have. I just can’t believe it’s you.”

  “You said that, too.” I speak a bit more softly this time.

  “Yep, well… look, don’t go anywhere, OK? I’ll be back.”

  Woah. Be still my beating heart. I collapse into the sand, and Julie sits next to me. “So, I guess he still remembers you,” she says and nudges me.

  I just smile and, shaking slightly, take another giant swig of warm gin & tonic.

  Chapter Four

  I can’t sit still while Sam is gone. Julie smiles at me. “Calm down, will you? You nearly knocked my drink over then!”

  “Sorry,” I smile, slightly shame-faced. Surely I should be better at dealing with these things by now? The butterflies in my stomach say otherwise.

  Out on the sea, the lights of a boat bob up and down as it ploughs its way determinedly through the waves, heading for the harbour in the next little inlet.

  “I can’t believe it!” A loud voice breaks my reverie and I turn to be enveloped in a huge, bear-like hug.

  “Luke!” I exclaim, and I’m delighted to see Sam’s best friend drawing back from me, his smile as big as I remembered. The beard is new, though. The hug is not the only bear-like thing about him.

  “You haven’t forgotten us, then?” Luke is still grinning. He was another big part of that golden summer; the four of us used to hang out all the time, and he turns now to Julie to give her the same all-encompassing treatment. I feel a bit more relaxed.

  “Well, well, well, couldn’t keep away, eh? Change your mind about me?” He nudges Julie.

  “You guessed it,” she smiles.

  Luke did have a thing for Julie back then but she wasn’t really interested. He was a lovely bloke but I guess at eighteen he hadn’t fully grown into his body. He was tall and a bit ungainly, and a
bit overweight. From what I can make out in the dark, however, he fits his body perfectly now – or it fits him.

  He squeezes in between us. “Room for a little’un?” He puts an arm round each of our shoulders. “A rose between two thorns.”

  “G & T?” I ask, and feel embarrassed suddenly – like a townie. It was always cider or beer back then.

  “Great,” Luke certainly doesn’t seem to mind, and takes a swig. “Urgh, that’s warm!”

  “Sorry, we should have saved some in Julie’s National Trust flask.”

  “Oh, nice. Gone up in the world, have we?”

  “Not really,” I admit. “In fact, we’re back at the Sail Loft. Julie’s a proper chef now, though.”

  “That right?” he asks her.

  “Yeah, I’ve been doing it for years now.”

  “You always said you were going to be a chef,” Luke says. “Well done.”

  “How about you, Luke?” I ask. “Did you make it as a champion surfer?”

  His turn to be embarrassed now. “Nah. Fact, I only get to do it when I’m back for weekends.”

  “You don’t live round here anymore?”

  “No, I live in London now.”

  “London!” I exclaim.

  “Yeah, I’m a software developer.”

  “Bloody hell, I didn’t see that coming.”

  “Yeah, well after you girls left us, I sat my A-Levels again, changed all my options, went to uni in Bristol, and moved to London with a job.”

  “Well, that’s great!”

  “I guess. It hasn’t changed me, though.” Luke grins again.

  I’m so happy to see him, but I want to ask him about Sam. I can’t, though. I don’t want Luke thinking I’m still pining after his friend, even if I am.

  “Are you back for long?” I ask instead.

  “Two weeks, this time. Ma’s been poorly, and Dad needs a break. I don’t really like being away while she’s ill, see, but not much I can do about it.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’ve kept your accent!” I say, then for fear of sounding flippant, quickly add, “I hope your Mum’s OK?”

  “Not really. S’cancer. She’s not going to get better.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m so sorry, Luke,” Julie says. “She’s a lovely lady.”

  May, Luke’s mum, used to tolerate us hanging out in the old garage at the end of their garden, which we’d do if the weather wasn’t good. There was a darts board in there, and an old TV, and a fridge full of beer and Coke. She used to bring us sandwiches sometimes, and would always try to ‘feed us up’.

  “Yep. She is,” he sighs, and his large frame slumps.

  “I bet she’s glad you’re back to see her,” I offer.

  “And your dad,” Julie adds.

  “Yeah. I don’t know. I think I might be back a fair bit this summer, I really don’t know how much longer she’s got. So you might be seeing a bit more of me!” He puts his smile back on, “Good news for you, eh, Julie? You might just be in with a chance.”

  “I’ll bear that in mind,” she says. Something in her cool, flirty tone makes me look sharply towards her but it’s hard to see her expression in the dark.

  We sit and catch up on each other’s news. Luke’s not saying too much but I have a feeling he’s been very successful. He’s certainly not showing off but in describing life in London it’s clear he owns his flat there, and has a pretty good social life.

  I’m sad to think of his mum. I don’t know many people our age who have lost a parent and I can’t imagine how it feels to know that your mum is going to die. I feel like Luke needs to have fun tonight, though. It gives me something to think about other than Sam – for a while. I still can’t help wondering where he’s got to.

  Passing the bottle between us, it’s not long before the drink is all gone.

  “I’ll go grab us some more,” Luke says, “Don’t move.”

  “We won’t,” I say. I edge back up to Julie.

  “He hasn’t changed a bit!” I say.

  “I wouldn’t say that,” she replies, “did you feel those muscles? And he’s a successful IT guy now!”

  I look at her. “So you’re saying…”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say no…”

  “Well, bloody hell!” I exclaim. “That would never have happened ten years ago!”

  “A lot’s changed since then.”

  “Yes, it has,” I say, “but just bear in mind, he’s not a holiday-maker, and you swore you were only going to go after tourists.”

  “Yeah, I suppose…”

  “And his mum’s ill, you need to be careful.”

  “OK!” she snaps. “I’m not talking about anything major. I was just saying, he’s a bit different now. And I wouldn’t say no…”

  “Fair enough.” Maybe we’ve both had a bit much to drink and now isn’t the time for this conversation. “Don’t know where Sam’s got to, though.”

  “No, that’s a bit weird, isn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be back soon, though.”

  Before long, Luke is back, with a trio of glass bottles clacking together between the fingers of one hand.

  “Careful, they’re all open, and they’re all different, so I don’t know who’s getting what. Could be beer, could be cider.”

  He hands them out and we all clash them together, toasting the reunion.

  “So good to see you girls again,” he says.

  That’s the second time tonight we’ve been called girls. I am definitely loving it here.

  “Do you know where Sam is..?” I venture, after a slug of what turns out to be strong cider.

  “Sammy? He’s about somewhere…” Luke answers vaguely. “I know he wants to come and see you. I think he just had to see somebody about something…”

  Something about his evasiveness makes me prickle with unease. There is something going on. And why shouldn’t there be? I haven’t seen Sam in ten years; anything could have happened in that time. Presumably he’s had girlfriends, it’s perfectly likely that he has one now. He could be married, for all I know. He certainly owes me nothing and yet I feel put-out at the thought he could be with somebody else.

  Luke says he’s going to have to go soon, as he’s promised his dad the ‘day off’ the next day, and anyway, he doesn’t want to waste any of his time with his mum by being hungover. “Will you give me your numbers, though?” he asks. “Maybe we could go out for something to eat the day after tomorrow..?”

  “That would be lovely,” Julie says, grabbing his phone from him and tapping away at it. “There, I’ve put in Alice’s and my details. I’ve put a 1 in front of ‘Julie’ just so I’m number one.”

  You’ve got to admire her cheek.

  “You’ve always been number one to me, Julie,” Luke laughs and leans in to kiss her on the cheek, then turns to me and does the same.

  “I’ll see if Sammy can make it, too,” he says, “though it depends…”

  Depends on what? I want to ask. Instead I say weakly, “That would be nice.”

  “I don’t know where he’s got to right now,” Luke says. “If you see him, can you tell him I’ll ring him tomorrow?”

  “Of course,” I say, but I have a strong feeling now that we won’t be seeing Sam again tonight. The butterflies have gone, and been replaced by a slightly sick feeling. Once Luke has gone, Julie leans back in the sand and I sit holding my knees to my chest. I feel a bit cold, like the cool damp of the sand is seeping into me.

  The metallers’ party is still going strong but I can see glowing embers a bit further along, where I’m guessing the teenagers have upped sticks to get home in time for curfews. The family party is long-since over and the group we’ve pinned ourselves on the outskirts of is starting to drift away now, the fire dying down and the bottles all empty. A couple of people move around with bin bags, clearing the detritus.

  “The stars are spinning,” Julie slurs.

  “Then I think that’s a sign it’s time to head home,” I say. I check
my phone. “Look, it’s only 11.15. An early night!”

  I stand unsteadily, and pull her up. We link arms and make our way tentatively across the sand; scared of falling in more holes, and scared that the contents of our stomachs might make an unwelcome reappearance if we make any sudden moves.

  I feel strange. Not just because of the drink. I have actually seen the man I think I love – in person – after ten years. I constantly question myself whether I can really love him – or is it just the idea of him? Julie has said maybe it’s easier for me to feel like that about Sam because I know I won’t see him. I know what she means. I can’t deny how I felt when I saw him tonight, and how now I have a huge, stomach-pulling drag of disappointment deep within me. But it was also lovely to see Luke and I’m looking forward to seeing him again in a couple of days’ time, with or without Sam.

  Chapter Five

  I wake on the Sunday morning to the sound of church bells; normally a joyous experience but today each clang seems as though it is occurring within my skull. I didn’t think I’d drunk that much but actually, when you add it up: the drinks at the flat, the one in the Mainbrace, the ready-mixed gin & tonic on the beach, topped off by a bottle of strong cider, it’s no surprise that I’m feeling this way and, judging by the groans from the room next door, Julie is not faring much better.

  I lie still for a while, convinced that if I don’t move my head all will be well, but I can’t deny the urge to use the bathroom for much longer. Eventually, carefully, I edge my way towards the side of the mattress, tentatively raising myself up and putting my feet on the floor. Then it’s all systems go and I make it to the toilet just in time, as the contents of my stomach make an unwelcome bid for freedom. It’s been a long time since I’ve been sick from drink, and I can’t say that I’ve particularly missed it.

  “Did we have chips last night?” I call through to Julie, flushing the evidence away, and eyeing myself disgustedly in the mirror.

  “Er… I think we might have. Can’t talk about food at the moment, though.”